Written on the Indian Ocean

This blog is starting to sound like a yearly thing. Another year has again passed since I wrote here. It is unbelievable how time flies. On my last blog I was still smitten and a wee bit heart broken over M's treachery, and now I have graduated and is working at THE MALDIVES. Dream come true or what.

I should count my blessings as how many people get the chance to realize their dreams like me. A quote from Warren Buffet " The happiest persons are not the ones who have the best things but are the ones who appreciate it". How true. This quote struck me when I'm in yet another of my dilemma. I was offered a job in JUMEIRAH MALDIVES and I turned it down. I would always have to look at the name Jumeirah with regret. I'm gonna write the story here so I would be able to look back and remember why I turned this offer of a lifetime down.

It goes like this. I applied out of sheer frustration working in Island Hideaway. (Side note, I might had applied because I said I wanted the job to I and he got me the contacts). Anyway, I applied and I got the job. and then I went to Sri Lanka with I. On the 2nd or 3rd day, things started to feel weird. I thought nothing of him other than as a buddy and I felt that he has deeper feelings for me than I thought. He suggested things like we should hold hands and he might kiss my cheeks because he wants to convince the guide that we are a couple and he should leave us alone during meal times. He wanted a double bed everytime we checked into a new hotel etc etc etc... In a nutshell, he started to freak me out.

I love my freedom. I love that fact that here in the island I could go anywhere and do anything I like without have to make any explanation to anybody. I don't want people telling me I should use protection if I want to have sex because that's like telling me my name is Michelle. I don't want to feel restrained.

Half of my reason for turning down the offer is because I don't think that I could stay in Jumeirah for 1 year if I could not have stand him for 1 week. Between my current happiness and contentment for more money and earning more money, I choose to stay. The other reason... I am not too sure myself. Maybe I am not a person who likes to change. Mom said something very true, when I was in CM, I did not want to go because I was contented, I moved around circles of people with ease and I was happy. But in the end, I left, and I got over it. Why couldn't I do the same here?

Ramesh said another thing that struck me. Good reputation is not built in 1 day. You have a good reputation here with the people. Why do you want to leave? And I thought about all the friends I had made here. High and low post alike. How many times I gained benefits because of these friends I could not count. Furthermore, my supervisor Galina was terminated and now, I am the most experienced personnel in the front desk. My manager trust and depend on me. You could also say this is the chance of a lifetime. I am only 23 this year and it would be SO cool of I was made supervisor in a 5 star resort. So I stayed.

In an unrelated side note. I am sleeping with a Portuguese diving instructor. Voila... in the American region too. I'm attracted to him.. he's funny, kinda good looking and sex is good. He's perfect for a companion in an island but I could never be with him in the real world. Speaking of real world, lets's talk about W.

W.... the arrangements of matter, time,place, the coincidence is ridiculous. I met him in a diving trip in December 2009. Can you believe it.. by the end of this year I would have known him for 2 years. 2 WHOLE FRIGGIN YEARS. My current series craze is SEX AND THE CITY and everytime I see Mr Big, he reminds me of W. Big, strong, mature, un-childish.... safe.

I don't know what is it about me that attracts him so much. Have to remember to ask him someday. He is a leader and he knows it. When I am with him he takes care of things with just the right kind of macho-ness. Why me. He's 34 and I'm 23. Is it the ego boost in which he could snag a younger, prettier girl and have her smitten over him? Truth to be told I AM smitten over him. I played around with the image of marrying him and it fits. Why is he sticking around and waiting for me all this time?

To be continued

I did not change

HEY YA!!! It's the 1st of October today so I had officially NOT written in this blog for 1 year! 1st post of 2010!

Phew... time really does flies dosen't it. It just seems like a few months ago that I had felt what i felt like in the afro-mentioned post. Well i'm now older, smarter, more interesting (maybe), and prettier (should be), but still, as it i always the case with me, infatuated with yet another guy.

This time... ohhhh he is neither from the asian nor european region. He is from the American region. Cool eh... Anyway, to begin the story, it all started with me working in cm. The place which had undeniably caused humongous impact upon my now not so adolecent life. He is the first of many many guys who hit upon me as soon as I arrive at that blasted place. When a colleague told me that he is the king of all sharks at cm, I only half believe her as he DOES NOT one inch look like a shark.

Bah, after countless degrading stories heard about him, after making fun with other colleagues about the passes he made to other girls and to me, after streams of promises and vows NEVER to be so stupid as to fall for this kind of guy, in the end, I end up sleeping with him. I have absolutely nobody to blame as far as i'm concerned. Yes I admitted to J that I'm indeed stupid and foolish, but still I plough on with the single mindness that I would be the special 1 that would make him realise that he would want to stay with this puny Malaysian girl.

WRONGNESS. No matter how many times I found out that he had be doing bullshit behind my back, I still gave out excuses like... ahhh he's not my boyfriend, I can't be mad and scold the hell out of him.... Truth is, I just didnt want to spoil what was between us. You could say it was nothing more than a '2 weeks stand' but while it lasted, I had one of the best times of my life. Being with him can't be labelled as carefree because I'm constantly in insane panic that somebody had found out that I'm sleeping with him. He's the BADASS of the village, loathed by most of the male and female alike. However, the moments with him is filled with laughter and happiness. There are undoubtly tender moments between us which I will remember for the rest of my life.

After leaving cm for a month, we still maintained contact and is on the phone with each other for almost everyday. I would have gone back to cm... even change my ticket if not for the nugget of information that I got from J today. Turns out he rebuild his relationship with a former fling. Funny thing, I was not mad.... Deep down under I knew that he would be sleeping with as many girls he could get his hands on... but still... I was a little sad and disappointed when I learnt of this news. I would not be so foolish as to waste any more of my money and go back to cm, just to be the laughing stock and maybe wilt under the pitiful stares of others. IF they found out, which they undoubtly will if I went back to cm and disappear early every night while my friends are still hanging around the bar, not to mention my buddies working there that would require terminal illness or unconcious drunkness on my side for them to let me go early.

When I had 2 weeks left in cm, and decided to continue sleeping with him just for the sake of not wanting to regret i didn't (recklessness in play), I DID NOT, truth to be told, imagine that this fling would strecth out until today. In my naive-ness and imagination (or I did not think?), this would be a 2 weeks thing and after that we would go on to our separate ways, never meeting each other again. How wrong I cound be. At 1 point in this drasted thing I even fell in love with him.

If I did not meet him before he goes back to Brasil I might not see him ever again. But with him, I would never know. As he said, 'If we miss, the impossible become possible, the far become near'. Hah, rare display of good english on his side! While the fun lasted, he is undeniably the best person to have a fling with (although not much experience). The fun, laughter, the tender, ridiculous and quiet moments when I'm with him will forever be remembered.

What the fuck is wrong with me

I thought i had gotten over it.

I was wrong.

I am bursting to tell but i couldn't.

It would be not right to tell anyone who knows.

Hoping to unburden this weekend.

It might be a sin, it might be disloyal, it might be dishonest,

but I couldn't help it.

The heart, it is in a mess now.

and it should not be.

Thousand of scenarios and 'ifs' are presented,

everyone of them possible and impossible at the same time.

I will see how it goes after tomorrow.

God help me. I need your help God. Show me the right path even if the right path is not my heart's desire.

Someday i might look upon this as a joke, a memory of my adolescent thinking, a wisp of memory that reminds me anything is possible.

I hope that day come soon.

Obsessions

GAH... sometimes i really do hate my obsessions. I'm now currently obsessed with

1. Kelly Clarkson's Already Gone. Been listening to it since..... n hours ago.

2. Guys and relationships

3. A mental war inside my head wheather to ask for increase in pocket money.

4. Buying clothes to keep up wit mt current rather fashionable classmates

5. Hairdos

Daily Rambles

Me and my classmates are all in a budgeting mood. We brought food to school everyday as our lunch. In a sense it actually strenghten our bond, but..... so far ny budgeting has failed. Plan to save money failed. Too much things to buy too little money!!!

Hypocracy. Is there such a word? Hipocrite?

That's what i felt like lately. Last week during one of our drinking session we dished and trashed one of our classmate. I shall just call her €. Well the truth be told, i hadn't really liked her since the beginning. I thought it was just jealousy. Prettier, richer, smarter, more capable than me? No idea. Only my sub concious knows. Maybe. Anyway it turns out even her close mates can't stand her. Sadness man...

So we trashed about her all night long. Things i hadn't even imagine about her came up. 1 particular inciednt makes me realize that i would never look at her the same way again. The bitch.

So now i will talk about the so-called hypocracy i'm currently feeling. On one hand, i feel like slamming my ears shut whenever she starts to talk. Due to recent revelations from her close mates and endless discussions with them, i had felt that 90% of the stuff that came out of her mouth MIGHT be pure bullshit. On the other hand, it is undeniable that she is smart in certain ways. It would be a MAJOR catastrophere/inconvenience(to me) to...unbefriend her. shit.

There is no conclusion to my point. I'm not sure it's even a point. So far i had not have to grimace,cower,wish i was mort or half shut my eyes when i reread my previous posts. I hope this dosen;t show my childishness when i read this back later.

I think i should start writing my posts in french. Might improve it. It will take ages to complete even 1 paragraph. Hideous.

I have to sleep now. Having class tomorrow. Am now worried about my future e presentation. If i had no choice and is chosen to debate, i will totally freak out. Like, totally. Cross my fingers that i get something.... easy, i guess.

1 more thing. I had a video call thru msn today with Gilbert and the kids. LOK LOK is SOOOO freakngly adorable. i miss him like sooooo guper much. When i was still in Australia my heart clench everytime i am holding him or looking at him and thinking, he will not remember me after a while. That hurts sooo much. He will never remember me as i remember him. *sigh*. Melvin is speaking so much more clearly now. He said:"sing yung jie jie, i miss you so much" in his haltingly, slightly accented Austalian english. Children's words can be so touching.\

THE END

Nite nite ^^

Crush

A crush that will never be fulfilled,
Dreams that looped back to the same person,
Desires which shall eternally be hidden,
Tamed be it i prayed.

Finally~~ Craziness~~

Finally~~~

I did something worth mentioning. That is~~~~~I QUEUE UP FOR AN ENTIRE NIGHT FOR A SONT T77 CAMERA!!!! The best thing is................... It only costs RM488!!!!!!!!!!! AND I GOT THE PINK 1!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!


WOOHOO~~ I can't believe i really did it!!! It's totally unbelievably out of my character. If not for my friend Evon ---->

I would never never have done this crazy (some say stupid) thingy.

Let me start from the beginning. Evon is going to Aus to study like really really soon, and she desperately need a camera pronto before she go. Therefore, she decided to call me, her very *kind and soft-hearted* friend to go along with her almost insane plan. That is, to queue up for an entire night to BUY a camera. Understandably much much cheaper than the retail price.

I was quite reluctant at first but me being me, decided to go along with her. The location was at Berjaya Times Square shopping mall and when we reach there in the afternoon, we did not know nor bother to find out where is the queue as we assume that we are the only nutcases that shows up the day before the actual event.

Lo and behold, after a few hours we accidently found out that the queue was not smack right in front of the entrance as we assume it would be, and the blow was that there was already like 50 people lining up there...... some even have mats and pillows ready to spend the night. Hardcore buyers.

The boring process of waiting would not even interest me and therefore i will refrain from spelling out the moments as i would have to read this back someday an i would not want to bore myself to death.

In the end, we were a really really freakingly lucky pair and i thank my God for that. The price of the camera goes up by the number of people, such me and Evon were the last 2 to get the camera for the cool price of RM488. And the retail price is RM 1,298.

It;s suppose to be my birthday present but i felt that AS IF i have worked for it.

I do not care what everyone says about it. This is my new most precious gadget. Although i do not really have that much actually. I do not care. I am estatic I have a sony pink and slim camera. With a touchscreen. The world is ALMOST perfect. I LOVE GOD. ^^