I did not change

HEY YA!!! It's the 1st of October today so I had officially NOT written in this blog for 1 year! 1st post of 2010!

Phew... time really does flies dosen't it. It just seems like a few months ago that I had felt what i felt like in the afro-mentioned post. Well i'm now older, smarter, more interesting (maybe), and prettier (should be), but still, as it i always the case with me, infatuated with yet another guy.

This time... ohhhh he is neither from the asian nor european region. He is from the American region. Cool eh... Anyway, to begin the story, it all started with me working in cm. The place which had undeniably caused humongous impact upon my now not so adolecent life. He is the first of many many guys who hit upon me as soon as I arrive at that blasted place. When a colleague told me that he is the king of all sharks at cm, I only half believe her as he DOES NOT one inch look like a shark.

Bah, after countless degrading stories heard about him, after making fun with other colleagues about the passes he made to other girls and to me, after streams of promises and vows NEVER to be so stupid as to fall for this kind of guy, in the end, I end up sleeping with him. I have absolutely nobody to blame as far as i'm concerned. Yes I admitted to J that I'm indeed stupid and foolish, but still I plough on with the single mindness that I would be the special 1 that would make him realise that he would want to stay with this puny Malaysian girl.

WRONGNESS. No matter how many times I found out that he had be doing bullshit behind my back, I still gave out excuses like... ahhh he's not my boyfriend, I can't be mad and scold the hell out of him.... Truth is, I just didnt want to spoil what was between us. You could say it was nothing more than a '2 weeks stand' but while it lasted, I had one of the best times of my life. Being with him can't be labelled as carefree because I'm constantly in insane panic that somebody had found out that I'm sleeping with him. He's the BADASS of the village, loathed by most of the male and female alike. However, the moments with him is filled with laughter and happiness. There are undoubtly tender moments between us which I will remember for the rest of my life.

After leaving cm for a month, we still maintained contact and is on the phone with each other for almost everyday. I would have gone back to cm... even change my ticket if not for the nugget of information that I got from J today. Turns out he rebuild his relationship with a former fling. Funny thing, I was not mad.... Deep down under I knew that he would be sleeping with as many girls he could get his hands on... but still... I was a little sad and disappointed when I learnt of this news. I would not be so foolish as to waste any more of my money and go back to cm, just to be the laughing stock and maybe wilt under the pitiful stares of others. IF they found out, which they undoubtly will if I went back to cm and disappear early every night while my friends are still hanging around the bar, not to mention my buddies working there that would require terminal illness or unconcious drunkness on my side for them to let me go early.

When I had 2 weeks left in cm, and decided to continue sleeping with him just for the sake of not wanting to regret i didn't (recklessness in play), I DID NOT, truth to be told, imagine that this fling would strecth out until today. In my naive-ness and imagination (or I did not think?), this would be a 2 weeks thing and after that we would go on to our separate ways, never meeting each other again. How wrong I cound be. At 1 point in this drasted thing I even fell in love with him.

If I did not meet him before he goes back to Brasil I might not see him ever again. But with him, I would never know. As he said, 'If we miss, the impossible become possible, the far become near'. Hah, rare display of good english on his side! While the fun lasted, he is undeniably the best person to have a fling with (although not much experience). The fun, laughter, the tender, ridiculous and quiet moments when I'm with him will forever be remembered.